Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
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I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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