bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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