Sponge bath it is.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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