evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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