Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
