Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
