Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
