i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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