I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
