ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
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You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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