white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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