apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
We left the knife in your bed.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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