White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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