sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
