I like my sex mixed with concussions.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
