I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
