Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
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