I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
