tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Randomize
