I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
