Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
These tits shall not be calmed
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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