his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
