maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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