Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
