i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I'm bleeding and have questions
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
