I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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