True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
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Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
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you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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