sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
