i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Randomize
