She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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