I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
