best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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