this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
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