i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
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After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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