i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
