Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
