So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize