If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
