her vagine was all disorganized.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
