Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
