My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
