if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
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