He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
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