At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
