I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
