why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
My pussy is not your playground.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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