O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
