I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
