I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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