It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
