i just had sex bonerless
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
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