I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Randomize
