My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
