Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
