She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize