I just cut my nipple shaving
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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