Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
