I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
You smell like stripper and shame
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
