If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
