East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
pop tarts are not kleenex
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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