Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
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