Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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