Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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