Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
