o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
This house was built for laser tag.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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