she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
pray to the hookup gods
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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