If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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