i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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