im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
