just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
