She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
