I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
