I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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