i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
